1. I always heard/read about this magic moment, when you first lay eyes on your baby, or when he wraps his finger around yours, or looks into your eyes, and your heart melts and he instantly becomes your whole world. That didn't happen. When I first saw him, I thought, "I'm so glad that part is over". When I was supposed to be enjoying his first moments alive, I was interrupted by contractions and placenta-delivering. When his eyes first met mine, I thought, "Oh good, he's not cross-eyed!" Maybe some people have THAT moment. But it's not essential - not having it doesn't mean you are any less of a parent.
2. The contractions continue. After the baby, after the placenta, your body continues to have contractions as your uterus shrinks. For the first few days, every time Benjamin nursed, I felt like I was still in labour. I don't remember this happening the first time around, and I've learned since that you feel it much more strongly the second time. It's not cool. But it's proof that your uterus is shrinking!
3. You have a lot of time on your hands. You always hear about people having babies and not knowing where the time goes, being in pajamas until noon. I'm in my pajamas right now, but this is by choice. I don't know how Benjamin has grown so very fast, but the days are long. This doesn't mean you have time to accomplish things. It means you have a lot of time sitting on your butt, either nursing or holding a sleeping baby. I've watched a lot of tv and spent countless hours playing on my phone. And shopping online. For diapers.
4. For the first couple of months, the "essential" baby swing was completely useless. The moment we put Ben down, he would cry. Everything had to be done with baby in arms.
5. Around 4-6 weeks, Benjamin cried for no reason. Every evening. This is the purple period. It's a real thing. We spent the evenings bouncing and walking him around the condo. If we thought he'd settled down and we tried to sit, the cries began again. And he's been such a good, happy baby!
6. It's ok to let him cry. When the above was happening, Matthew was working a lot and I was becoming exhausted. One time, when all of the bouncing and walking wasn't working, I had to leave him crying in his crib while I went and had a cry of my own for a couple of minutes. It's amazing what just minutes of alone time can do for you.
7. Sharing a hospital room sucks. We had signed up for a private room, but there were something like 30 births the night before we went in, and we had to share. This meant that Matthew had to sleep in the family room, which was okay the first night when Ben was exhausted from being birthed. However, the second night sucked. Each time Benjamin fell asleep, I would place him in his bin and he would immediately wake up crying. Not wanting to wake up the baby girl next to us (or her mother), I would pick him back up to put him back to sleep. This happened all night. There was no co-sleeping in the hospital, so if he was in my bed, I was awake. I got no sleep until Matthew got to come back in in the morning.
8. Rules don't always work. Ben was supposed to sleep in his hammock beside the bed. But it worked out like the hospital. No matter how deeply he was sleeping, being set down woke him up, and being alone made him cry. So, instead of getting up and down 50 times a night and none of us sleeping, he moved into our bed and we all slept wonderfully. This kept us both sane and safe. Nursing doesn't only make babe sleepy, but also releases hormones to make mom sleepy. Knowing he was sleeping in our bed allowed us to arrange things accordingly, rather than us both falling asleep unexpectedly. Babies are all different. Things may not always work out as planned. Be willing to be lenient.
9. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes the realization washes over you that you are completely responsible for this little being, and you will be, 24/7, for the next 19 years. This isn't the most comforting thought when you are exhausted and need some alone time. Take a bath.
10. Diaper changes aren't that bad. Actually, they're kind of fun - a good bonding time, smiley, chatty time. And diapers are awesome. And, of course, smiles and chatter make everything worth it.
Bonus! 11. Not only do smiles and chatter make everything worth it, I think I love him most when he cries out of pain or fear - my heart hurts for him and all I want to do is hug him close and cuddle. He needs me. Sometimes, it seems too much, but as he learns to do things on his own, making me proud, I am also needed less. His independence is bittersweet. But it's sooooooooo nice to be able to lay him down on the bathroom floor and have the lights entertain him while I shower. And we can finally use his baby swing!
Awesome post :) I'm sure your honesty will be appreciated by any young mom who reads this!
ReplyDeleteI vote for another one of these every month or so lol
ReplyDeleteI seriously loved and appreciated every single tip because it's the moments where as you say you need to walk away and cry, that people don't talk about enough and I think just being aware that they happen to every new mom and they're OK are the things I will appreciate the most.